


To Repair a Broken Bridge

by Beautiful_Doom



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Family, Family Fights, Hurt, Mental Health problems, Protectiveness, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, Sympathetic Sides, Therapy, momceit, the're trying their best
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-03
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-01 06:14:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23466712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beautiful_Doom/pseuds/Beautiful_Doom
Summary: Sequel to Goody Two Shoes.Thomas was able to rescue his lost sides, but trauma isn't so easily solved. Even with sessions with Dr. Picani, tension is high. The rift between the Dark Sides and Light Sides isn't getting any smaller, and to bring them all together in harmony, they'll have to dig deeper and address old issues and new ones too. But can all problems be solved? And will the rift ever disappear?
Comments: 30
Kudos: 138





	1. See Right Through Me

“I don’t know what to do.”

Vixen was staring at the ceiling of Emile Picani’s office, stretched out on the leather couch. He sighed again, having sighed several times since the start of the session. This whole thing was exhausting.

“I don’t want to forgive him,” Vixen continued. “I feel as if forgiving him is like saying what he did was ok, and it wasn’t. He hurt us all with his actions, even if he didn’t mean to hurt us. And that’s another problem. I can’t hate him as much as I want to because I know he’s not malicious, he’s just a complete idiot. He thought he was doing what was best, and his stupidity hurt us all. But I’m, having nightmares of being alone again. Of being trapped. Of being...” he shuddered, not really wanting to think about it again. “We even had to remove the doors to our rooms...”

“You did?” Emile looked up from his notes. “All of you?”

“Yeah, me and Devlin and Tristan,” said Vixen. “We were terrified that one day the door wouldn’t open again, so we took them off the hinges and stored them away somewhere. It did help, though. And we have a nightlight in the hallway now...”

“Sounds like you’re making progress,” said Emile. “It’s slow, but that’s to be expected. You should feel proud of yourselves. I know I do. It’s going to be hard while you’re all adjusting, but things will get better in time.”

“But it’s been already been a month,” said Vixen. “How much longer do we have to wait?”

“You must be patient,” Emile smiled. “Traumas like this aren’t solved over night. it will take time and effort.” He shuffled his notes. “Let’s change the subject. You said that you’re getting along well with Logan, correct? How’s that going?”

Vixen sighed. Again.

“He’s pretty much the only one of that group that I can stand,” he said. “He’s level headed, he doesn’t insult us, and I never really had a problem with him before. He was the one who stood up for us. Well, Julius did too before he died...”

“You said he gave you the same diagnosis that I did?” Emile asked. 

“Ugh, yes... he told me it was touch starvation too,” Vixen rolled his eyes, staring at a poster of Steven Universe now. “I did some research and that’s another one that doesn’t go away easily so I was really fucking happy about that one. He did make me mad when he mentioned it, though.”

“How do you feel when you’re around him?” Emile asked, counding curious. He’d been telling Vixen about touch starvation for a good while, but Vixen had always denied it. He’d always say that he was just fine. Which was why Emile hesitated to mention the other problems he had diagnosed Vixen with...

“Naked,” Vixen answered. He finally pulled himself into a slumped sitting position and pulled his coat tighter around him. “It’s like... he can see right through me and he knows what’s going on. Like... I can’t hide anything from him. I don’t like it, it makes me feel uncomfortable.”

“Well, you seem to have issues with vulnerability,” said Emile. “I’ve been thinking that for years.”

“I can’t... I can’t afford to be vulnerable,” Vixen shook his head. “I have to stay strong for the others. Tristan’s finally getting sleep and Devlin’s doing his exercises to stay calm. I can’t put my problems on their shoulders.”

“But you can tell me about them,” Emile tilted his head.

“That’s different,” Vixen folded his arms. “You at least know how to solve them.”

“Hardly,” Emile said. “I know how to explain them and how to treat them, but the root of the problems is hardly a single root. It’s a network of roots that branch out to many different things. It’s not so simple.”

“Great,” Vixen sounded annoyed. “Just what I wanted to hear.”

“But it’s what you need to hear,” Emile set his notes down and glanced at the clock. “It’s ok to be vulnerable. Whether it’s with Logan or with your family. And honestly, it might even help you feel better. Logan’s very intelligent, he’ll understand what your problems are and he might even be able to help you with them. Besides, you said he was cute, right?”

“He is,” Vixen agreed. “In a nerd sort of way.”

He hated what Emile was saying. It was just more work for him, and it was a bridge that could easily collapse if he didn’t cross it correctly. And if it did collapse, it would be his family putting it back together, and he didn’t want that. He didn’t want to bother them with his problems. He was a pillar of strength. He needed to be.

“Our time is up for today,” Emile interrupted his thoughts. “Please consider what I’ve said. You know I would never ask you to do something if I didn’t think it would help you.”

“Yeah,” Vixen stood up and stretched slightly. “Yeah, I know. I’ll see you later.”

“Don’t forget our next appointment,” Emile smiled warmly. “Let me know if you can’t make it.”

Vixen nodded and left the office. He didn’t feel any bit better than he had when he’d initially gone in....

>>>>>>>

It was the next morning, and Logan was waking up.

He yawned softly and immediately noticed that something wasn’t quite right-

Someone was in his bed.

He looked down to see a body curled around him. It would have been impossible to tell who it was until Logan spotted the soft pink pajamas they were wearing. Ah, so it was Vixen. 

Vixen mumbled in his sleep and curled up tighter around Logan with a few low noises that sounded happy. Logan debated on waking him up, but Vixen seemed to make the decision for him as his eyes slowly opened.

Vixen froze.

With wide eyes, he slowly looked up and saw Logan staring back at him in confusion. With a loud yelp, Vixen threw himself out of the bed, causing him to crash to the floor. Before Logan could say a word, Vixen ran out of the room and dashed down the hall to his own.

Logan quickly grabbed his glasses and put them on, already rushing from the room. He made his way down to Vixen’s and paused at the doorway. The privacy screen was lit up from the sunshine coming in from the new window, and a shadow was cast against it.

“Vixen?” Logan called. The shadow flinched and Vixen peered out from behind.

“Logan! I... look, I’m so sorry. I can explain. See, at our old place, Juke’s room was where yours is, and he always let me sleep in his bed if I needed to,” Vixen said quickly. “Last night I needed to, and I was half asleep when I left my room and I guess I got confused as to where I was and I entered your room by mistake. I’m sorry!”

Logan raised an eyebrow, and then he shrugged.

“It’s ok,” he said. “I understand completely. To be honest, it wasn’t so bad. Very... very warm.”

Vixen leaned further out from the privacy screen, looking mortified. He held Logan’s gaze for a moment before he looked away.

“Please don’t look at me like that.”

“Look at you how?” Logan sounded confused.

“Like you’re staring right through me.”

“I am not. I hardly possess x-ray vision...” Logan trailed off at Vixen’s expression. “Ah, you mean figuratively. Apologies, I did not mean to make you uncomfortable. I was merely trying to ascertain if you were all right or not.”

“I know,” Vixen slunk out from behind the privacy screen. Indeed, his pajamas were pink: a tank top and long pants. The tank top had gold writing that said ‘I need more beauty sleep’. 

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I had a session with Emile yesterday and I haven’t been feeling well since then.”

“Understandable of a person with your conditions. I imagine it’s hard to be vulnerable when you wish not to be.”

Vixen huffed in annoyance. Now Logan knew about that too?

“But if sleeping in the same bed as myself helps your mental health recover, by all means you are welcome to continue doing so,” said Logan.

Now Vixen’s expression turned to one of surprise. Mr. No Feelings was letting him cuddle when he needed it? Granted, Logan never seemed to have a problem with cuddling with others... but with Vixen’s function, it could turn the meaning into something else entirely however unintentional.

“Thank you, Logan,” Vixen smiled in relief. “You’re such a great guy.”

“Anything to help,” Logan cleared his throat, but Vixen could spot the light beginnings of a blush...


	2. Not Responsible for His Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alternatively titled 'Why Tristan and Patton have such a bad relationship'

“I don’t know what to do.”

Tristan was sitting on Emile’s leather couch just like he’d done many times before. Mimi the Manatee had been left behind, and today it was a purple patchwork moose named Gerald that was held in his lap.

While Emile didn’t like that Tristan was having problems again, he was very happy that Tristan had been able to get back to him. When Tristan had seen him again after his rescue, he’d tightly hugged Emile for exactly eleven minutes and twenty three seconds (Emile had timed it).

Emile had been devstated when he’d heard the news of Tristan being locked away. Tristan had always been his hardes patient, but he’d made so much progress and Emile had felt so proud of him. Now he was worried that most if not all of his progress could have been undone.

Tristan had always been a tough case. The most dangerous of Thomas’s Sides, and his origins hadn’t been good. From what Tristan had told him, Patton had abandoned him to the Juke and the others when he’d gained a solid form. Until then, Tristan had just been a little orb of emotions, freshly split from Patton’s core.

This had left Tristan in an awful state. He was already feeling the emotions of sadness and despair, but now he had abandonment issues, terrified that if he hurt someone or made them sad, they would abandon him like Patton had. And even further down the road, this had caused Tristan to break down even more, wondering what had he done to make Patton abandon him.

It had taken a year just to stabilize him. To bring him out of his constant depressive states and have him functioning independently. Granted, Emile never blamed him. He could only imagine how Tristan must feel all the time to be Thomas’s sadness. 

It had taken longer to help Tristan understand that he was more than his duties and that he could go against his nature if he wanted. Emile had been quick to assure this after having Tristan sob and gasp on the couch and tearfully say ‘I-I don’t w-want to h-h-hurt anyone.’

And it had taken even longer than that to convince Tristan that it hadn’t been his fault that he’d been abandoned. That Patton had been in the wrong, and his new family were not going to just abandon him.

After all that work, Tristan had risen from his own ashes to become the side he was today. And Emile couldn’t be more proud.

“You say that Patton seems to be... trying to repair his relationship with you?” Emile asked.

Tristan nodded, fingers rubbing against Gerald’s soft sides.

“We never had a relationship to begin with,” he said. “And now he’s trying to treat me like the others. But it’s... it’s so awkward. It’s like when Peridot tried to make Lapis happy, but even worse. He hurt me so much, and he ignored me on top of that and now he wants things to be all happy and cheerful, but it doesn’t work that way!”

“I agree,” said Emile. “Patton has his own issues to work through, but you are not responsible for his feelings. You have the right to refuse them and to avoid him if he makes you feel uncomfortable.”

“He scares me,” Tristan admitted. “I can’t be alone with him. Vixie and Dev and the others have been making sure to keep me company whenever he’s nearby. They don’t like him much either.”

“Which is understandable,” said Emile. “He hurt you all very much. You are not obligated to forgive him. You are allowed to have negative feelings towards someone who hurt you. Just try not to let them consume you.”

“I’m not,” said Tristan. “I’m being careful. I’ve had bad days, but I’m not letting them get me down as much as I did before. I have my family back so I know things will be ok.”

“That’s good,” Emile smiled. “I’m glad to see you’re feeling better. I know you had some trouble adjusting when you came back. Are you still having nightmares? I know you said you were unable to sleep by yourself for a little bit.”

“Not as many,” said Tristan. “Sometimes I’ll have a nightmare, and they vary. Sometimes I’m left behind while all the others went home. Sometimes I’m locked in a dark room. Sometimes I’m...” he broke off and swallowed heavily. “Sometimes it’s worse.”

Emile made a note of that in his notebook. He’d bring it up in the next session. Tristan clearly didn’t want to talk about it today.

Emile then glanced at Tristan’s wrists. They were hidden under his long sleeves, but Emile knew what they looked like. Tristan had showed him in one of their sessions, but he’d done so while saying that he only wanted Emile to see. He’d talk about them when he was ready. Emile had respected his decision and thanked him for being honest with him.

That was also another noted topic of conversation that had yet to be addressed.

“How are the others treating you?” He changed the subject. “Logan and Roman.”

“They’re nice,” Tristan actually smiled at that. Ah, so this was a good subject to talk about. “I mean, Logan never really bothered us before, and I already liked him because he let me read his books and talked to me about them, but now he’s inviting me to do experiments with him and puzzles and stuff. Roman... well, he’s still kinda snarky, but I know he’s trying. He likes to talk to me about King Julius.”

“King Julius?” Emile asked. “The original Creativity?”

“Yeah, him!” Tristan happily nodded. “Roman doesn’t remember him, but I do. So he asks me questions about him. And he’s been letting me into his side of the Imagination. I went to the park there and there were so many doggos!”

Emile chuckled at Tristan’s enthusiasm.

“Well, it sounds like you’re getting along with them just fine. I’m glad to see they’re treating you well. I will recommend that you continue. Getting out and doing things with others will help with your recovery. Introducing different things will help you remember that times have changed and their company sounds like it’s having a beneficial effect.”

“And it’s fun,” said Tristan. “Really fun. Pluto and I made one of those baking soda volcanoes yesterday. Goop got everywhere, but it was a lot of fun!”

“Good, then let’s keep it up.” Emile glanced at the clock. “I’m afraid that’s all the time we have today. But remember that I’m always here if you need me. If you have anymore nightmares of anymore bad days, please don’t hesitate to call.”

“Thank you,” said Tristan. “I really did miss you while I was gone.”

“I missed you too,” said Emile. “Now go out there and have a wonderful day.”

Tristan gave him one last smile as he picked Gerald up and left the office.


	3. PTSD

“I don’t know what to do.”

Emile briefly wondered if there was an echo in his office, as many times as he’s heard that phrase. Devlin’s frame was a bit tall for this particulat couch, causing his knees to bunch up awkwardly. Still, for all that power and strength hidden within, his outside looked particularly anguished.

“I’m guessing your feelings towards Patton haven’t changed?” He asked gently.

“I can’t help it,” Devlin groaned. “You know how hard it is for me to change my feelings towards someone. I can’t do it as easily as the others. And anyway, I”m pretty sure I’m not the only one. Vixen still stiffens when Patton enters a room and Tristan immediately reaches out to grab one of us. We’re all on our guards. Just... waiting, I guess. The tension is thick enough to snap like a bone, and... we all feel like something bad’s gonna happen.”

Devlin paused, sighing deeply. He then suddenly stood up and clenched his hands into fists.

 **“And every time Patton opens his big fucking mouth, I want to hit him with my axe or strangle him until the light leaves his eyes! I fucking hate him! I hate him so goddamn much! I’m** sorry!” Devlin collapsed back onto the couch. “Goddamn it, I’m so sorry. I don’t mean to get like this...”

“Please don’t break anything,” Emile said, eying the various toys he had displayed in his office. “And it’s ok. Anger is a natural and expected reaction to when something like this happens.”

“I wouldn’t be so angry if he’d just hurt me,” Devlin covered his face with his hands. “I swear. But he hurt my family. All of us. I swore to protect them years ago, and I... I failed. I’m angry at Patton, but I’m also angry at myself. And then... when they rescued me, I...” He choked. His hands moved, coming to rest on the couch. “It hurts sometimes. It burns like fire. Like... like lava flowing through my veins. And at times I can’t tell if it’s directed towards me or him.”

“People who’ve been through trauma often react in ways that they do not mean,” said Emile. And anger and aggression are very prominent symptoms of PTSD. It’s why I’m very certain that you might have it. All of you. You have all shown signs of it. The point is, we are... a bit different. Our minds work in different ways, and corruption is a very powerful thing. I’ve seen it. You were corrupted and that caused you to act in a way that you would not do in your right mind. Oftentimes such behavior cannot be excused, but in this case I think it can. And your family has already forgiven you. All that’s left... is for you to forgive yourself.”

“Not gonna happen,” Devlin shook his head. “I love my family to hell and back. And I hurt them all. I even tried to get Vixen to murder Patton. I hurt Remus, I hurt Janus, I...” He sniffled and looked down. “Sometimes I feel like I should have stayed behind. That I’m... that I’m just going to make things worse. But at the same time, I’m glad I came back... if only to redeem myself and keep everyone safe.”

“Why are you so certain that they need your protection?” Emile asked. “Tristan and Vixen are very accomplished fighters and I believe they could hold their own in a fight.”

“Because I love them and I want them to be safe and happy,” Devlin sprawled out, legs dangling off the end of the couch. “They make me happy and they’re the best thing that could have happened to me. And after what happened to Pan and Morey I’ve been that much more determined.”

“Perhaps...” Emile paused, writing notes on his paper. “Perhaps you should back off a bit.”

Devlin slowly looked over at him, looking confused. It was no secret that he often felt like a monster. His normal form was bad enough, he could put holes in walls, fell trees with his fists, and he’d even wrestled the baddest beasts in Remus’s realm. Devlin was powerful, and his corrupted form was worse. Not to mention, how much influence he could have on Thomas if he wasn’t careful. It was why he did those stupid anger exercises, it was why he spent time with his family, it was why he worked hard to keep himself under control.

He didn’t want to just be some violent brute. He wanted to use his strength for good. To protect.

“I’m just saying,” Emile continued. “I think you should focus on yourself for now. It’s obvious that you have problems and focusing on others is diverting your attention from the care and work you need. So... I’m going to give you some new exercises to do and I want you do them as much as you can. I also want you to take the time to practice some self care. I know you don’t want to hear this, but if you fall apart, you won’t be able to protect them either way. Worry about yourself for now, ok?”

Devlin sighed again, groaning softly as he pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes. He knew Emile was right. Devlin had been slacking in his exercises because Tristan or Vixen needed him. Or so he thought. He’d have a talk with them. Maybe Janus could keep an eye on them for now. Or Remus. Remus had taken to carrying his morningstar around with him everywhere now. He seemed to be on the same team, eager to protect his family. Remus had always been the protective little gremlin. Even in the days when he could barely swing that morningstar...

“Fine,” Devlin finally said, sitting back up. “I’ll do what I can. I just... I’ll do what I can.”

“And I want you back here next week,” said Emile. “I’m diagnosing you with PTSD, and that’s not something to ignore. I want you here on a regular schedule to talk to me so that we can work through this. No skipping, please. I promise, the talking may not seem to be doing much for now, but combined with the exercises I think it will help. I’m also going to talk to Remus about getting you all a therapy dog.”

“Any therapy dog Remus summons will probably have three heads,” Devlin chuckled.

“Perfect,” Emile smiled. “You’ll each have a head to pet. Now take this,” he handed Devlin a few sheets of paper. “These are your new exercises, and I’ve noted your next appointment. If anything gets worse, you know where to find me, and please come to me if anything does get worse. Promise me.”

“I promise,” Devlin looked over the exercises. “Thanks, Doc. I’m really glad to have you to talk to.”

“Always happy to help,” Emile said, stuffing a few papers into Devlin’s file. “See you next time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm sorry to say I don't have my tumblr blog anymore. For mental health reasons, I had to delete it. But the good news is, I'm going to be focusing on my works here more now. But if anyone does want do fanart or stories based on my works, you are still welcome to do so. Just maybe comment with a link so that I can see it. Also, please comment if you like this story. Comments give me life!


	4. The Conundrum

Patton didn’t really know what to do.

He knew he’d messed up. He’d messed up in the worst way possible and he knew that. When he’d locked the others away, he’d never really had a plan for what to do when they came back. In fact, he’s not sure if he ever had a plan for them to come back. He hadn’t really thought much about the aftermath when he made the decision.

And now it was all coming back to bite him in the leg.

He knew they didn’t like him. He saw Tristan move closer to whomever he was with, he saw Vixen stiffen, he saw Devlin scowl. Every time he came close to them they reacted so defeinsively. Patton had never had anyone act that way around him. So hostile, so defensive, as if expecting Patton to hurt them. Not even Virgil had acted that way. Sure. Virgil may have argued or snapped at him, but never like this...

Patton was woefully unprepared. He had no idea what to do. What was the right thing to do in this situation? Ignore it and let them come around on their own time? Confront them and get everything out into the open? Patton wasn’t sure, so he just... went about his day as normal. He was warm to them, kind, gentle, loving, every positive emotion he could be, but he knew something had to give if they wanted to heal.

Then again, what was there to heal? The only bond Patton had ever had with them was with Tristan. Tristan had once been part of him until Patton had cut him out. Tristan, the epitome of Thomas’s sorrows, had grown so much. He’d become such a wonderful person, and Patton did feel proud of him. But Patton knew that any bond they had was gone now. He’d abandoned Tristan and left him to the others, and now Tristan was part of their family. Now Tristan was scared of him...

“You cannot keep going this way,” Logan said, finally speaking up one day.

He was standing in the kitchen while Patton cooked dinner. Patton was working on chicken parmesan and potatoes. In the neighboring oven, a pot roast was slow cooking, courtesy of Janus.

“I don’t know what else to do,” Patton shrugged, cutting the chicken. “I’ve... I just...” He dropped the knife and sighed, pressing the knuckles of his hand against his forehead. “I just want things to go back to the way they were before.”

“Patton, I say this with the upmost respect. Things will never be as they were before. We have new sides to consider and like it or not, they are here and they will stay here. Thomas wants us all to get along,” said Logan.

“And I’m trying,” Patton protested. “I’m trying my hardest, but... they’re scared of me. How do you make someone not scared of you anymore?”

“They have a reason to be scared,” said Logan. “I’m sure if Janus did to you what you did to them, you would be terrified of him too.”

“I know...” Patton sighed. He picked up a paper towel and wiped at his eyes, feeling tears gathering there. “I know...”

“It’s not going to go away overnight,” said Logan. “And it may take a very long time before their behavior changes. Or it may never change at all. But only they can decide that. And you must respect their decision whatever it may be. Whether they choose to see you as family, or continue to see you as an enemy. It’s their right to do so.”

Patton finally went back to preparing dinner, still sniffling. He knew Logan was right. He knew he wasn’t the one in control. The others held all the cards, and they would play them as he saw fit and Patton had no say in it.

“The question is...” Logan said slowly. “Do you still feel that you made the right decision in what you did?”

“Of course not-”

“Do you honestly feel that you made the right decision?” Logan interrupted.

Patton paused. He was so quick to think that he’d made the wrong choice, but... when he really thought about it... he wasn’t sure. Thomas had become a wonderful man, and he’d done so with the others locked away. What would he have become with their influence? Would he be the same man? Would he be different? Would he be married? Would he still be doing his videos?

There were so many questions. It was so easy to say the decision had been right because they had ended up in a good place. Too many unknowns shed doubt. Would Thomas have ended up better or worse?

Patton blinked and realized that Logan was still waiting for an answer.

“How are you and Vixen doing?” Patton smiled as he deliberately changed the subject. “I’ve seen him hanging around your room in the mornings.”

Logan paused, but then he shrugged.

“As amicable as ever,” he said. “I have found happiness in Vixen’s company, and I like to think he has found it in mine. He is... a fascinating being, and he is surprisingly knowledgeable about certain subjects.”

He wasn’t about to tell Patton the truth about Vixen’s condition.

“Oh golly,” Patton winked. “You two would make a cute couple.”

But inside he was nervous. If Logan got closer to Vixen, it could pull him away from Patton. Was this Patton’s fate? To lose his kiddos to the others and become as alone as they had been when he’d locked them away? The thought was slowly scaring him.

“I highly doubt it’s anything like that,” said Logan. “I merely enjoy his presence and he enjoys mine. There is no romance. If anything, that would be more Roman’s thing. Though, I have seen him spending a lot of time with Tristan...”

Patton felt his fear grow, now Roman was pulling away too?

Logan watched as Patton’s hands began to shake slightly. He raised an eyebrow, but didn’t mention it.

Besides, Logan knew why Patton had changed the subject. Patton still had doubts that it had been a bad decision to make in locking away the others...


End file.
